Living in pieces

Every second in my life is a part of this conflict. A god damn conflict! Every moment is a life changing decision and every breath is a battle. I swear to God, life has been playing such games with me. I have been running and fighting for so long, I believe I have forgotten how to stop. I have been searching for so long that I don`t know what I am searching for anymore. I want to give up now. I just want to give up.

 

All her life

She tried to fight

Every fucking change

That came her way

And then she gave up

In the hands of death

As it carried her away

To the throne of God

She fell to the ground

She wailed and she screamed

She asked God, why,

Why He deprived her of love

And He answered,

That love was the change

You fought through your life

The change, you kept pushing away

She looked back at her life

Just to find nothingness

No pain, no joy, no sorrows

And she wailed in front of God.

She wailed she wailed she wailed

There are times when my life is a mess, a clutter. And in those times, I laugh and I smile but as the darkness creeps across the sky and the stars take over, my pretence withers always and I end up crying myself to sleep. I dream, that fragments of my life come together to form this beautiful mosaic artwork that is perfect in every way. But the sun always rises too soon and the artwork dissolves into tiny pixels. I hate opening my eyes. I hate mornings. 

There is a thin line

That separates my dreams

From the empty realities

In my life

And I have tried

Tying myself to that line

So I can dangle and lose track

Of the truth and the lies

But he always pulls me back

And he holds me as we stand

Upright, the line cutting through

The soles of our feet

The wind blows through our hair

As we stand on the line devoid

Of the pain or the joys; devoid

Of the truth or the lies

I have this eccentric tendency of trying to hold on to everyone I meet through my life. Maybe that’s why it’s awfully difficult for me to let go of people. And maybe that is why it’s so easy for me to fall in love. I fall in love all the time; with people, with places, with memories and with things. And I wish it wasn’t that way. I wish I knew how to break free. I wish I knew how to let go.

Since the day I was born

My pillows have been tear-stained

And my nights have been alive

I cry through the course of the night
Remembering the people I lost
And the places I left behind


I talk through the course of the night
With people, my dreams invent
In places that don’t exist


I sail through the course of the night
Beyond the oceans, vast and deep
To horizon, I never seem to reach


I live through the course of the night
Like every breath is my last
Like every moment precedes death

Since the day I was born

I have been killed over and over again

By the rising sun and the morning light